The Gods Must Be Crazy
by Makesushi
Summary: MGIT One moment, there I was, living my life normally. Hanging out with friends, enjoying my summer, not going to parties. In the next moment, I'm chained down to a god damned cobblestone floor while a woman points a sword at me. Then holy shit, I realize I recognize her. It didn't make sense! Obviously, I'd been smacked upside the head and I was dreaming. If only it were so.


**Hey, I'm a slut for feedback!**

At first, there was nothing. A cool, calm, peaceful nothing. I floated through nothingness. Then I plummeted back into my body. I screamed and jerked forward, smacking my head against something hard. I opened my eyes and came face to face with a filthy stone floors. There was a burning pain in my left hand. I checked it, and my eyes widened at the glowing green madness that was split down the centre of my palm. "What the fuck?" I whispered, turning my hand over. No mark on the other side. There were chains on my wrists. I pulled them, but it seemed like they were held in place on the stone floor beneath me. "What the fuck?!" It was...unnervingly familiar. It had to be a joke though, right?

There were heavy boots that were coming towards me. I looked up and around the dimly lit room and saw four men with swords pointed at me, surrounding me. "Well, normally when I wake up chained in a basement, I expect a man to have bought me dinner first," I said uneasily.

"Silence!" One of the men snapped at me. He raised his empty hand to strike me, but before he could the door to wherever the hell I was burst open and two women walked in. They both circled around me. One of them stopped in front of me and pulled out her sword and pressing the tip against my throat. "Tell me why we shouldn't kill you now. The Conclave is destroyed. Everyone who attended is dead. Except for you." She snarled angrily, her eyes were burning with rage."

My eyes widened as I took in her face. Dark skin, short hair, eyebrows that could end a man's life. Cassandra. "W-what's going on?" I asked her, my eyes darting around the cell. There was no way that this was actually happening.

"I would like to know the same thing!" She reached out and grabbed my hand. "Explain this!" She was so furious, just like...but...no way, right?

"I...I can't," I managed to choke out.

"What do you mean, you can't?" She asked, grabbing me by the shoulders and pulling me, eye to eye with her.

There was another flare in my hand and I gasped in pain, trying to struggle away from her. "I can't explain it! I don't even know how I got here! Why am I here, what's going on! This can't be real!" There were tears rolling out of my eyes.

She smacked me across the face, grabbing onto my hoodie in a vice grip. "You're lying!"

She raised up for another strike, and I closed my eyes in fear, but before she could hit me again the other woman grabbed her arm. "We need her, Cassandra." She said in an even tone. God, I knew who she was. I knew who both of them were but I couldn't honestly make any sense of it. I was hyperventilating, looking up at the guards for help, but they remained motionless.

"Wait, please, please, I haven't done anything!" I said, looking back at Cassandra and Leliana. I looked down at my knees, wiping my tears with the back of my hands. "I don't know what's happening."

"Do you remember what happened? How this began?" Leliana asked, her voice fakely sympathetic, Inquisitive.

"I...I was at home, with my friends. Then there was a flash of green light, and I woke up here." I told her honestly. I knew what the opening cutscene called for, but it wasn't what I had seen.

"So you remember nothing of the Conclave?" She asked.

Cassandra put and hand on Leliana's shoulder and gently nudged her towards the door. "Go to the forward camp, Leliana. I will take her to the rift." Cassandra turned to look at me before she started unlocking my cuffs. "It will be easier to show you what has happened." She growled. But the problem was I already knew. She tied my hands with ropes and grabbed me by the elbow, pulling me out of the room.

We walked outside as the light from the gigantic fucking hole in the sky flared up. I fell to my knees and grit my teeth trying to keep a wail of pain from escaping my lips. Cassandra stopped to grab me, and force me back to my feet. "I'm not in Kansas anymore," I growled through my teeth.

"We call it the Breach." She said, gesturing to it with her chin. "It's a massive rift into the world of demons that grows larger with each passing hour. It's not the only such rift, just the largest. All were caused by the explosion at the conclave."

"How the fuck can this be happening?" I asked, my voice weak.

"We have no answers for that." Cassandra stepped away from me, looking up at the sky. "Unless we act, the breach may grow until it swallows the world." Once more the Breach grew, and I had to lean against the side of the building to keep myself standing.

I had to evaluate the situation. This was happening, I didn't know how or why, but it was. I was somehow there, in my game, rubbing my jaw in the place where one of my favorite characters had smacked me across the face. I could forgive her for that, I knew why she was behaving like this. She was afraid, and I was a stranger that had walked out of a rift. All signs did logically point to me. But the question I had, was how was I going to explain this when we stopped the growth of the Breach? I shook my head and closed my eyes, opening my hand. I felt the mark pulsing. I would have to cross that bridge when I got to it.

Cassandra grabbed me by the shoulders, but her grip was much lighter. She looked me in the eyes while she spoke to me. "Each time the Breach expands, your mark spreads… and it is killing you," she said. "It may be the key to stopping this but there isn't much time."

"Yeah, yeah, okay." I straightened myself out, flexing my hand. "This is super fucked up, if there's anything I can do to help, then I will."

Not that I had a choice. As much as I would love to run in the opposite direction of that thing, I was literally the only one in the world who could do anything about the hole in the sky. I was afraid, but I couldn't just...let people die. Besides, if I tried to run, Cassandra would cut my arm off and do it herself if she had too.

She gave me a very small smile, and took me by the arm, leading me towards the path. The villagers were glaring at me, muttering darkly. It was terrifying. I tried to keep my breathing under control, but it was almost impossible.

"They have decided your guilt," Cassandra told her evenly. "They need it. The people of Haven mourn our Most Holy, Divine Justinia, head of the Chantry. The Conclave was hers. It was a chance for peace between mages and templars. She brought their leaders together. Now, they are dead." She cast me another sharp look that had me stiffening up. "All, except for you." We continued forward and soldiers opened up the gates. She turned me around. "We lash out, like the sky. But we must think beyond ourselves, as she did. Until the breach is sealed." She pulled out a dagger and I flinched away, before having the sense to remember that she was just going to remove my bindings around my wrists. She only paused for a moment. "You will get a trial, I can promise nothing more. Come with me, we're almost there."

"Alright," I lowered my head and followed her.

"Do not be alarmed, but I believe your mark must be tested on something a bit smaller than the Breach."

"Yes, ma'am."

The two of us set out on a brisk pace, with me following behind Cassandra. She kept trying to make me run with her, but I could only manage short bursts of speed, which seemed to greatly annoy her. There was another pulse from the Breach, and I fell to the ground, screaming in pain. She was by my side in an instant, helping me stand. "The pulses are coming closer together, we need to move faster."

We were crossing a bridge at a more steadied pace when debris from the Breach hit, destroying the ground under our feet, and sending everyone standing on it into the dust. Another rock hit, about thirty feet away from us, and out of the green light that poured through, a monster from my worst nightmares set its sights on me, with an angry scream, it lunged towards me.

"Stay behind me!" Cassandra yelled, drawing her sword and chasing the demon. She couldn't see anything that was at her back. The ground started to bubble and shift around as an evil hissing came through.

I knew this part too, but I had no idea what to grab. In the game, the weapon was conveniently laid out for you, but in real life, it was just a box filled with a jumbled mess of arrows, knives, swords, and one staff. I fell again, tripping over my shoelaces, while I rushed to grab something. Anything. The demon could hear me, turning its ugly head in my direction.

I tried to grab a sword, but it was too heavy for me to even lift out of the crate. The demon hissed in delight as it glided towards me, shreking. I pushed myself away, unable to find footing on the snowy ground. "Get away!" I screamed at it, grabbing a rock and throwing it at the demon, falling short and missing it. It moved faster, too fast for Cassandra to save me. "No! GET AWAY!" I screamed with my arms stretched out to protect me. There was a jolt to my system and suddenly the demon was shrieking in agony.

I looked first at the creature, then down to my hands. 'Are you fucking kidding me?' I thought, trembling like a leaf. 'Stranger means suspect. Mage means guilty.'

Cassandra was running towards me, her own demon dead. "You're a mage!" She yelled, a wild light in her eyes.

"I guess!" I yelled, throwing my hands up in the air. I lowered them at the angry look on her face. I wrapped my arms around my knees and pulled them to my chest, trying to keep the tears from welling up again, failing miserably. "I'm sorry..." I bit my bottom lip and cast my eyes down to her boots.

I heard her sigh a second latter, and she put her sword away. "No, I'm sorry," she said while crouching down to meet my eyes. "I should remember that you agreed to come with me willingly. I cannot protect you, and I should not expect you to remain defenceless. Now please stand up."

I looked up at her before I struggled to my feet. I leaned down and tied up my shoe, and pulled my hoodie closer around me, before just deciding to zip it up. The two of us continued on our way towards the Rift. Cassandra was quiet as we climbed up a snowy path. I had to catch myself a few times on branches when I slipped on ice. Every time it happened, Cassandra would look behind her. I could see a dark look in her eyes every time she saw me fumble. 'Can this pathetic girl really do anything?' I imagined her thinking to herself. I wondered if she would just pull out her sword and end me.

No, she wouldn't. I stopped for a second. I needed to compose myself and get a fucking grip. I knew they needed me, just like they knew they needed me. Cassandra wasn't about to just outright destroy her one chance at sealing the Breach. She also wasn't a cruel woman. Even if she thought me guilt-which I couldn't tell either way-she would make sure I had a fair trial.

"Are you alright?" She asked, offering me her hand. I reached out to her, and she pulled me the rest of the way up. I jumped and yelped when I heard a crossbow go off, not too far away from where we were standing. I looked over to my left, and there in all his chest haired glory, was Varric.

But before I could orientate myself to what was happening, Solas grabbed me by the arm and hauled me over to the Rift, lifting my palm. "Quickly, before more come through!" He yelled. We all watched in amazement as the Rift connected to my mark and closed, tendrils between this world and the Fade, being severed with the mighty crackling of energy.

I stepped away from Solas and looked up at him. The egg had at least a good ten inches to tower over me. I looked down at the mark, that still pulsed angrily. "Thank you," I said to him, looking up with a smile.

"Do not thank me, the credit is yours, I did nothing." He let go of my hand and pointed to the mark.

"Neat..." I said, biting my top lip. "I guess this thing is good for something, right?"

"It is indeed." Solas noded to me. "Whatever magic opened the Breach in the sky also placed that mark upon your hand. I theorized the mark might be able to close the rifts that have opened in the Breach's wake – and it seems I was correct." He seemed proud of that.

"Meaning it could also close the Breach itself," Cassandra asked, her eyes wild with hope.

Solas looked at her over his shoulder, "Possibly," he said before turning back to me. "It seems you hold the key to our salvation."

Varric sauntered over with his crossbow slung over his shoulder. "Good to know! Here I thought we'd be ass-deep in demons forever." He stopped in front of me with a friendly grin and held his hand out for me. "Varric Tethras: rogue, storyteller, and occasionally unwelcome tagalong." He said the last part with a wink to Cassandra who scowled at him angrily.

He had a firm grip and rough hands. I smiled at him. "I'm Olivia Ann Wood, nice to meet you, sir."

"You may reconsider that stance in time," Solas said with a sigh.

"Sir?" Varric put a hand to his chest in fake shock. "Why my lady, you're so polite." He turned to Cassandra with a sharp grin. "Perhaps our resident apostate could learn a thing or two from you."

I held in a snort, and covered my mouth, turning away from them. Solas just waved dismissively towards Varric. I turned back to the dwarf with a genuine smile on my face "Are you with her, or…?" I trailed off, looking at him.

Solas chuckled softly. "Was that a serious question?"

"Technically I'm a prisoner, just like you," Varric said with a shrug,

Cassandra looked at him sharply. "I brought you here to tell your story to the Divine. Clearly, that is no longer necessary." She said with her eyes heavy.

"Yet, here I am. Lucky for you, considering current events." Varric shrugged.

"Absolutely not," Cassandra said firmly. "Your help is appreciated, Varric, but…"

Varric looked at her with a furrowed brow. "Have you been in the valley lately, Seeker? Your soldiers aren't in control anymore. You need me."

Cassandra grunted at crossed her arms over her chest. He wasn't wrong, and she knew that.

Solas ignored them and turned to me. "My name is Solas, if there are to be introductions. I'm pleased to see you still live."

"He means, 'I kept that mark from killing you while you slept.'" Varric said with a gentle tap to my arm.

"You sound like you have a lot of insider knowledge about this mark," I said tilting my head to the side. He smiled at me, clutching his staff tighter in his hands.

"Like you, Solas is an apostate," Cassandra explained.

'Oh shit, I am an apostate, aren't I?' I thought. I gulped softly and looked back down at the ground. Why me? What had I done that was so wrong for this to happen? Was it not cruel enough to throw me into a world without warm running water?

Solas stepped closer to me. "Technically, we are all apostates, Cassandra." He only sounded slightly annoyed. "My travels have allowed me to learn much of the Fade, far beyond the experience of any Circle mage. I came to offer whatever help I can give with the Breach. If it is not closed, we are all doomed regardless of origin."

"What will you do after this is all over?" I asked him.

He huffed and grinned at me. "One hopes that those in power will remember who helped, and who did not."

"Ah...yeah, that's true." I stuck my hands in my pockets.

"Cassandra, you should know: the magic involved here is unlike any I have ever seen." He gestured to me with his free hand. "Your prisoner is a mage, but I find it difficult to imagine any mage having such power."

Cassandra wiped the sweat off her brow. "Understood. We must get to the forward camp quickly." She sounded tiered.

"Well, Bianca's excited!" Varric said, hitting his crossbow against his shoulder.

Cassandra pointed downwards. "This way, down the bank. The road ahead is blocked." She looked at me. "Can you do this on your own, or will you need help."

I looked over the edge and groaned. I slipped my leg over the wall and grabbed onto a tree branch. I managed to keep my balance, but I was going very slowly. I heard Cassandra sigh, but I kept going at my own pace. The others were ahead of me within seconds, but they kept looking behind me to check on me. About half-way down I slipped on another patch of ice and my ass went tumbling head over heels down the hill. I heard the others cry out in alarm. I was laid out on my back, looking up at the sky and groaning quietly. I slowly sat up, right at the other three skidded to a stop next to me. I looked up at them, pushing my hair out of my eyes. "Wow, does that mean I win?" I asked with a grin.

Varric snorted, and helped me to my feet, brushing the show off of my back. "You sure do, your prize is this twig." He said, pulling a stick out of my hair and handing it to me.

"Pfft..." I covered my mouth and started laughing.

* * *

There were so many demons and I was really getting sick of it. Especially because I couldn't just call out a fire and fry them like I had the first one. Seeing my frustration, Solas wondered over to me and looked at me curiously.

"Was today your first time ever using magic?" He asked me.

"Ah!" I jumped and spun around. I put a hand over my chest and took a few deep breaths. "Oh, sorry about that, you just scared the shit out of me." I laughed, bending down and slapping my knee. "Just...some not very nice things have been coming up behind me all day, I'm just a little jumpy."

Solas held up a hand. "Think nothing of it, no harm done." I nodded and he repeated his question.

"Oh, yeah, that was the first time," I said, wiggling my fingers. "Seriously had no idea I could even do anything like that. Kind of a shock."

"You seem young, it's not that unusual." He assured me. "Typically, a mage shows their powers between the ages of seven and seventeen."

"Well, I'm in the margin then."

"How old are you, if you don't mind me asking?"

"I'm turning sixteen in a month," I told him, stepping onto a stone, trying to avoid the cold water.

Cassandra stiffened, apparently listening into our conversation. She kept walking, leading our motley crew into the wilderness. I was exhausted. Who knew walking could take up so much energy.

"Where are you from?" Solas asked. "I've never heard your accent before."

I laughed nervously. "That's a very lon-AH!" I screamed as the mark flared up again. I fell to my knees again. "I'm getting really fucking sick of this bullshit." I was more annoyed by the fact that I was once again on the verge of tears.

I felt a hand on my back as Solas helped me stand. "I cannot keep your mark from spreading. For your sake, I suggest that we hurry."

"Wonder what'll kill me first," I said, rubbing the edges to the mark. "This damned hand or the damned axe." It was a little uncomfortable after that.

"Well, are you innocent?" Varric asked me.

"Yes, I am innocent," I told him firmly.


End file.
